Building It diary

Six years ago I was a stay at home mom of seven years. I always wanted to work in the home and raise my kids. It wasn’t because that was the better or superior way to be a mother. It was what felt right for me. My mom was a stay at-home-mom. I was a summer nanny in college and I remember seeing mom’s running carpool organizing play dates and birthday parties and I could see myself in the future. When I got married I was building a career in marketing and I was proud of it. It was predominantly male leadership and a big corporation. Some would say the “good old boys” ran things, and it was not flexible for working mothers. I wasn’t even a mother and I didn’t have a healthy work-to-life ratio. This was the first time I was prescribed anxiety medication and figured out that my people pleasing personality made me well-liked. I was smart, curious, driven, trustworthy and I would never stir the pot. I was too young to know what I was really sacrificing for the admiration.

I had my daughter in 2009, and she was just amazing. She was born in September, in the fall in Minnesota… if you know, you know. Maternity leave was the best. Lots of walks and visiting family and friends. Nursing in bed and napping. Dressing her up in cute little 0-3 months fashions and field trips to Caribou Coffee, Target, and Babies R Us. When it was time to go back to work, I can’t forget how hard it was. I felt like ripping away my purpose for waking up every day. I fully acknowledge every mother feels different when they go back to work after maternity leave. I know many feel more like themselves again, fully loving being a mom, but needing to get back to something they were really good at and missing. For me it wasn’t that. But it made it a little easier that my mom was willing to provide childcare four days a week, and my sister would watch the baby girl on Fridays. I don’t remember a lot about that time working. We found out we were pregnant with baby number two (a little boy!) the day after baby girl’s first birthday. I remember that morning sickness at work, drinking LaCroix and nibbling on saltine crackers, praying that I could make it through the day. On a work trip to Toronto, we had a long drive from the airport to visit a couple of our company shops, and I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom in time, I got so sick. All the while I was trying to hide my pregnancy because it was still so new! We moved to a new home about 45 minutes (in rush hour) from where I worked. After work, I would pick up big sister-to-be, and she would fall asleep on the way home. Once home, husband and I would wake her up to eat dinner, and she would just be screaming and upset until bedtime. And that was on repeat, five days a week. I was crabby, tired, very pregnant, and I knew once baby boy was born, it was time for me to make a change.

This change would be scary, but my husband and I had talked about it, planned for it and we knew that we could live off of one income. We didn’t plan on it being forever. We would sacrifice to make it work. July of 2011 I officially welcomed my stay-at-home mom era.